Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
