He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
