I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
