worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
