i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
