I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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