I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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