forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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