i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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