I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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