porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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