My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
