i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
