what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
