I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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