I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
