Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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