so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
