Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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