Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
