We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i can run in heels then i can drive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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