what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
