That's when you crack a 10am beer
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
