Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
