I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
