Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
