The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
