If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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