Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
