dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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