made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
