Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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