his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
