Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
