Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
