Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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