i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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