i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
