Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize