If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
