thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
