My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
