all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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