wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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