actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to jail i love you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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