apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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