I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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