Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dicks are not precious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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