My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
