I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
