I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
