ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
