life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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