Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
