we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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