he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
