he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
