I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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