I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
