Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
