I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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