she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
