just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
