So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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