Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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