I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You dont lie about slip and slides
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
