She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
