so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
