my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize