You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
