Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(516): View more from New York

this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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(408): View more from California

I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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(435): View more from Utah

When did we convert life to cartoon?

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(585): View more from New York

S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.

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(705): View more from Ontario

Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.

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