would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
