I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
