I just pynch a tree in the face
Duck Duck Cougar?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
