Just fell off a train. Bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
