yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
