This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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