I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
