So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
