I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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