i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
