He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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