you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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