Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
