Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
