Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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