Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
