How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
