she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
