I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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