see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
