i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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