She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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