I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
