Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
