i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
