I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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